Chris Rice - Come To Jesus

This song is just so beautiful and speaks to my sad heart right now.

You're gonna miss this

I'm sure it is clear in my posts that my Grams' death has been SO hard on me. I don't think I've made it through a single day without just bawling my eyes out thinking of her being gone. I've tried my best to stay really busy as to not allow myself to dwell on it, but it seems that something always reminds me.

I heard this song today called "You're gonna miss this" and while the whole song did not apply to my life, this part did:

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

When I was little I always found myself wishing my life away. I was ready to be 16 then 18 then ready for college then ready for the "real world" and now I miss all of that and want things to slow down. Isn't it funny how life works? I'd love to have one more visit to the bustling town of Okeechobee, Florida (ha!) to have some laughs with my Grams.

I feel certain that one day I will be able to think of her without crying, but that day isn't here yet. My Mom gave me a photo Grams had of her holding our MacKenzie ("You guys love that little dog so much!" Grams used to always say) so I hung it in my office. I think I'll like seeing it each day.

A dog's life

Oh man...the life of a dog. One could only hope to be so lucky. My Mom sent me this quick picture of Madison lounging the other day. I love that little dog.
It was so nice out today- IT IS FEBRUARY IN INDIANA (!!!!!)- that Jackson was able to play a few ball games OUTSIDE with MacKenzie.
She LOVED it.
I think it is so funny how she just throws the ball back at you so you can throw it again.
And she's off...
We had just returned from 1.5 hours (!!!!) at the gym and Jackson was impressed with his calf muscles. He ran his 5k today in 37 minutes which is a new personal record. He's VERY proud. ;)
She would play all day if we'd let her. We don't. She had to come inside and get a bath because she was going to Grammy's with us for dinner. Susie made a great dinner and we enjoyed catching up.

It was a quiet weekend around here as tax season is in full force now. Friday night I was so exhausted that I accidentally fell asleep at 6:30pm and got up around 7 the next morning. Yeah- that was a lot of sleep and it felt great. We went to a spinning class with Shannon on Saturday morning and I really enjoyed it. It was intense and difficult, but pretty fun. I did a ton of taxes on Saturday and Sunday. We fulfilled my Lent promise by returning to church on Saturday evening. It was a great service and it was really nice to be back at Grace. :)

Wedding Shower

This could go down as one of the most expensive wedding showers ever thrown. Ok. That's not even close to true, but wait until you hear about all of our grand plans for the house before Shaya's May 19th bridal shower at our home.

Powder room: I accidentally left a huge bleach stain on the counter of our current vanity (I HATED it anyway) so we have ordered a new one. We're also replacing the chandelier in there with a more normal bathroom light. The last owners really loved chandeliers...I don't. We already replaced the toilet with my Christmas thrones. :)

Laundry room: A fresh coat of paint and a granite piece to finish off my folding table.

Office: A fresh coat of paint. We also got my graduate diploma framed finally--it only took just under two years. ;)

Foyer: Touch up painting

Dining room: NOTHING! Music to Jackson's ears :)

Kitchen: granite counters- finally! I cannot wait to get those puppies installed

Living room: touch up painting

Master: REPAINTING the whole she-bang. Woot toot. No more blue!

Master bath: new granite counters, new square sinks, new oil-rubbed bronze faucet fixtures, replace the current tile surround with subway tiles and expand the shower walls with new glass doors. New paint, too. :)

Upstairs bath: We hung new mirrors and replaced the faucets. It is also getting a new tile floor

Outside: Jackson is getting his fire pit- finally might he add and we'll be planting flowers like it is going out of style

Yep, I'm already tired and I have not really started party planning yet. My wallet also hurts. HA! This wedding is inspiring to update my house and lose weight. Maybe Shaya should get married more often? It seems to motivate me! :)

I miss my Grams

I just miss my Grams today. It is one of my co-worker's birthdays and she mentioned that each year her Grandma flies up to Indiana from wintering in Florida to celebrate with her. I couldn't help but say, "Oh my gosh I miss my Grams" and tell her show special those times were. Then I hurried back to my office and bawled my eyes out because I'll never see my Grams again in this life.

I cannot help but think about how much we take for granted.

My Grams was always spunky and quite healthy so I really didn't think we'd lose her anytime soon and certainly not before she got to give me a hard time about reaching 30 in a few years. She knew that I hate aging and liked to always give me a hard time about "getting SO old!!"

I'm thankful that I got to spend what turned out to be her last birthday with her- she was visiting Indiana at the time and staying with us so we took her to the Olive Garden. I got a birthday card from her and Gramps each year with a $25 check in it with "Happy Birthday JENNA :)" written in the memo portion. I'll miss that check (and not because I want the money as $25 was quite exciting at age 10 and just thoughtful at age 28 as I'll be this year- AHH) this year and every year for the rest of my life. I'm well aware that she is in a place far better than I can imagine, but I just miss her. And I think that's allowed.

Where did the baby go?!

My sister sent me these photos of Alex this morning and I was in shock. Where is the baby?! This is a little boy. TEAR!

At least he is still adorable! I love how intently he is looking at the bubble! It is the little things in life, I tell you.

Happy Monday!

Making a change

As I think I've mentioned a few times before on my blog, my Mom has lost a lot of weight. She did this insane 500-calorie diet that I paid $600 to learn about only to realize that- in my opinion- those people were CrAzY! Yes, I do wish that I had that $600 back, but such is life. Anyway, talking to those people made me realize that I needed to make a change in my life...just not a 500 calorie change. I did try the 500 calorie diet for about a week and then my Grams passed away and my schedule was all thrown off. I then decided that life was too short to be miserable- both miserably uncomfortable with my body and miserably hungry.

We made a few big changes in our lives. First, we started weighing ourselves each morning and writing it down on a calendar hanging next to the scale. It keeps you more honest than anything I've ever done before that is for sure. Second, we've been hitting the gym almost every single day of the week. It has really become a part of our routine and it feels funny not to get to the gym now. I'm working with my trainer 4 times a week and he is kicking my butt. I like having appointments with my trainer as it keeps me accountable even on days when I just do not want to work out. Finally, we've really overhauled how we're eating. Jackson is finally off Diet Coke. I've given up sweet tea and Sprite. We have been eating at home far more often and taking our lunches to work. It has been a lot of work, but we know it will be worth it. Thus far we're both down over 10 pounds in about 4 weeks. We're on a roll...or as my trainer calls it we're in "beast mode." Wish us luck! Our goal is to be way down in time for Shaya and Bates' wedding on July 14th. You'll see over the next few blogs that this wedding has become quite the event in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way! :)

Valentine update

Remember how I was waiting for my Valentine's day present? Yep. Still waiting. And here is the rest of the story...

Most holidays I tell Jackson- after playing the family's accountant and paying all of our bills- that I don't need a present. I do not mean it. It is just the sensible side of me talking. I hate her. After over five years of marriage and many tiffs, Jackson still buys this line each time I throw it out there. On February 13th I finished my Valentine's day shopping after spending a lot of time thinking about what to get while keeping to a budget. Jackson was not planning on shopping. Uh oh.

He went out on Valentine's evening and got me expensive perfume. I cannot wear perfume to work anymore- someone has an allergy- and I didn't need any. He also bought me $60 yoga pants that were not on sale. We don't buy yoga pants at full price in this family. It was just clearly a rushed, thoughtless effort that left me quite sad. I keep telling myself that it is just a silly holiday that doesn't mean much, but that is not working. I am sad and I realize that sounds a little bratty.

I know that eventually my feelings will no longer be hurt, but for now they're a little sore. I think we all want to feel special sometimes. I guess now is not my time.

Steve Jobs (book)

Have I inspired anyone yet to listen to books on c.d. when you're in your car? Probably not. I'm going to keep trying. I think sometimes the radio can be so annoying and even depressing with what people choose to talk about on such a platform. I love K-LOVE as much as the next girl, but their tight rotation of songs sometimes takes its toll on me. I think listening to books has helped me to think more clearly and deliberately. Quite frankly I gave my brain the out to be on cruise control for a bit after graduate school. The brain break has ended.

I've been focusing on books that I think Jackson will enjoy, too. I listen to the first c.d. and decide if I think it is worth "selling" to Jackson. The Steve Jobs book was worth the selling effort. It is a really interesting "read." HA! :) I have to admit that I'm pretty excited that my next round of books are by Karen Kingsbury so that I can have a little Christian/ Chick Literature fun, but for now it is strictly business. ;) (No, I will not push Jackson to listen to Karen Kingsbury- he'd be out of the book listening business forever!!)

As a reminder, a membership to the public library is free! :) Free is my favorite price! You can also download library books to your Kindle for free! It is amazing. (Side note: I realize that nothing is actually "free" and that my tax dollars support the library which is all the more reason for me to patronize it.)

Making amends

This is an usually candid post for me, but it has been on my heart so I thought I'd share.

In May of 2010 Jackson and I went to San Francisco to visit on my best friends in the world at that time, Cali Kate. Things got a little difficult on that trip and Kate and I had not spoken since. This broke my heart each time I thought about it. Technology today allows one to somewhat "keep up" with what is going on with people so I knew bits and pieces of what was going on with her, but no news directly from her. I'd sent her Facebook messages from time to time that I was thinking of her and got nothing in return. I remembered that February 15th was her birthday so I decided to reach out to her one final time to wish her a happy day, tell her I was sorry again for how things went down on our last visit and that I'd leave her alone now as she obviously did not want to hear from me.

I was completely shocked when she wrote me back and said she never knew if I wanted her to respond to my messages after our big blow up fight nearly two years ago. I was pretty surprised by the response at first, but I quickly realized that feelings were probably much more hurt than I ever realized. I could not believe that someone who had been one of my very best friends since 2002 did not know if I wanted to hear from them. I felt awful. While I cannot recall all that happened afterwards with apology notes and the such, it was obvious to me that I did not do enough to make my friend aware of how sorry I was for how things went.

I promised myself that after my brother Brian passed away I would not let relationships that mattered take a backseat to the artificial busyness of life. While I did have a relationship with Brian, it was not enough. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I'm not letting that happen again. He mattered to me. I loved him and was so proud of him, but I can only hope now that he knew that while he was alive because I can no longer tell him. It is heart-wrenching.

I have no idea how things will turn out with Kate, but I do now have some hope that maybe we'll speak again. I wrote her back to tell her that of course I wanted to hear from her and that I have missed her terribly for the past almost two years- because that is all true. I think I took for granted a friendship that I thought would always be there and that was a mistake. People are the most important things in our lives, in my opinion. I'm working on making sure that my friends and family know how much they mean to me.

I know that life is the longest thing we will ever do, but that does not make it any less short. Do you have someone that you need to swallow your pride and let them know that you're sorry and that you care? I encourage you to do so because even if nothing comes out it at least they know where you stand. I think that is really important. All of this may seem a little dramatic, but I have really missed my friend and felt bad about how things went- it was silly of me to take this long to really confront the issue.

As Christina Rossetti said, "Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun." I encourage you to put yourself out there. Maybe, just maybe, things will work out.

Fresh sheets?!

Imagine my surprise when I walked into my bedroom to put on my fresh, clean sheets and found MacKenzie "keeping them warm" for me. She's totally unaware of her place in this world. Or maybe she isn't. ;)

Charlie the Cardinal

MacKenzie got a new toy, Charlie the Cardinal (Ball State University's mascot- it was high time I supported my place of employment...with a dog toy! HA! Oops. Good thing my parents got me a t-shirt so I can properly show my school spirit!), for Valentine's Day. She loves him already. She does not love him as much as the Valentine's dog treats she got, but still. :)

We hope you all have a great Valentine's Day. Jackson already got his presents- two hats and two new shirts. I'm still waiting....

Super Food!

I cannot believe that I forgot to post a photo of the dip Jackson and I worked so hard on for Shaya & Bates' Super Bowl Party. It tasted so good and was festive. It made my heart proud. It is the little things in like, you know?! :)

March for Babies

My sister, Kylie, is putting together a team (Team Woogie--I know the name is odd) for "March of Dimes/ March for Babies" to walk 3 miles April 28, 2012 to raise awareness for premature babies since her son/ my precious nephew Alex was an early bird himself.

We're hoping to be able to join her team for the walk itself (I have some traveling to do for work that may interfere), but we're certainly going to be supporting her.

If you'd like to donate towards the cause (yes, it is a tax deduction. You're welcome.) you can do so here: http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=1775112

Reading and loving it!

My new job allows me time to do pretty much whatever I want...SCORE! I love reading and missed reading for pleasure during graduate school and life in the Big 4. I have been both reading books on my Kindle at lunch, in the evenings and on weekend. I also listen to books on CD/ MP3 during my commute. I seriously feel so much smarter and insightful now that I have time to learn from others and not just kind of make it through my packed day. This book was aimed more at men, but was inspiring and really interesting nonetheless.

Jackson even listened to this book. That is how good it is. Seriously, that it better than getting an award because Jackson does not read or get read to without putting up a fight.

This book is so interesting- I cannot put it down. As it turns out, according to this book, I'm not smart. Crap.

This book is not something that would generally appear on my radar, but Megan Parton recommended it and I'm glad she did. It was simply fascinating and quite timely in light of the Presidential race.

I am a suck for business literature (nerd alert) and Seth Godin is one of my favorites. This book is great and I love that he is reading it to me so he can use the voice inflection he intended the reader to pick up on.

Come play?

Doesn't MacKenzie just look so cute with her stuffed animals out ready to play?! I love that little dog.

Super Bowl Village

Thursday evening Jackson and I headed downtown again to catch the Edwin McCain concert. Edwin sings our wedding song, I'll Be, and we wanted to hear it live. We met up with DeDe and Susie (Susie is volunteering at the NFL Experience and DeDe came in from Portland, Oregon) to walk around the "village" downtown and take in the free concert. It was so fun.
Tim Tebow even came to town! :)
ESPN was filming right downtown Indianapolis- so cool!
We stopped in at a party where Jack seemed to be the guest of honor. ;) We really want one of those Jack Daniels signs for Jackson's "man room."
Oh Tim again- just for fun. :)
Indianapolis fans are most definitely pulling for the Giants to win the big game for two reasons: 1. We hate the Patriots and Tom Brady

2. Peyton Manning is so popular here that fans feel the need to cheer for his little brother

I've been a Giants fan- I have three t-shirts to support them- for years and could not be more excited to cheer them on to victory in my hometown! We have truly loved living in the Super City this year! :)

Super Bowl in Indy

I love this photo of Monument Circle with Chase Tower looming in the background.
They were showing movies on the letters the other night- it was so neat.
This photo makes my heart beam with pride at how beautiful "my" city is right now.
The J.W. Marriott looks so awesome right now with the Super Bowl signage. I love this city right now. :)

Show me your "teethers"

Jackson, Alex, Me, Kylie & Nick

This is very rare and do not expect this often, but I am posting a photo with me in it on my blog. I know. Shocking. I got to hang with my favorite little boy, my nephew Alex, last weekend at my Gram's funeral. While the occasion was sadder for me than words can explain, it was great to spend time with my little Alex. Kylie even let me hold him for the photos. :) This photo makes it look like Jackson and I are the parents which is a terrifying thought to say the least. (Doesn't Jackson look just so handsome?!)

My Mom, Alex, Me & Kylie

My Mom has lost a lot of weight recently so being in a photo with her and my sister was bad for my self-esteem. I wouldn't have posted it except that Alex has learned to "show his teethers" and looked so darn cute that I had to share. Jackson thought he looked like a little insurance salesman in his suit. I thought he looked like the little boy from Jerry Maguire. Either way he was adorable and we loved getting to hang out with him!