Success

I'll never forget the Full House episode (side note: Full House has always been my favorite show. Always.) where Danny (the Dad) is teaching Stephanie (one of the daughters) to spell success. He tells her, "double the 'c' double the 's' and you'll always have success!" I still think of that every single time that I write "success."

Anyway, what is success? Dictionary.com defines it like this:
1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.
2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

I think success means something different to every person. Sure, we can agree that something or someone is a success, but what it means for us differs. Maybe for some people a success is graduation from high school. Maybe a success is raising happy children who are productive members of society. Maybe success is opening an orphanage in Africa. Perhaps a daily success is something as small as getting a stranger to smile or laugh. But what is the kind of success that leaves one on their death bed knowing that their life was not in vain? I do not know what that is for me yet. Do you know what it is for you?

I've always thought long and hard about how I want to live my life. I think about which things I want to focus on and which things are OK to somewhat ignore. I, for one, love being educated. It is just something I am passionate about. I would go to school forever if it paid me and not the other way around. I'm interested in so many things. That is not realistic, though, so I'll have to join the "real world" sooner or later. Sometimes I feel conflicted about my choice of careers. Let's face it, no matter where I go I'll be dealing with people who simply do not grasp how fortunate they really are. I currently deal with wealthy old men who whine when the stock market dips their assets' value to below $1 billion. If I get the IRS job that I want I'll still be dealing with them, but on the other side. (Which I think has got to be more fun. Right?) I always feel a little empty in that my job doesn't really help anyone who needs it.

When we were whitewater rafting, our guide told us how his sister is a nurse and his brother-in-law is a dentist. They moved to Africa 2 years ago to open up a clinic and are going to serve there for the rest of their lives. I looked at Jackson and told him that we had no services that were useful to anyone but wealthy Americans. It makes me sad. (I know people say we could build houses, etc. Maybe Jackson could do that. I cannot. I'm just not handy. I do think I could teach mathematics. That's universal, I think. Jackson assured me that if you have no food or healthcare then math does not matter. Shoot.)

I do not feel any closer to my goals for my life by finishing my graduate degree. I feel like I have so much more to do. I always thought I'd feel a little closure when I finished, but I just do not. I honestly feel a bit empty. I'm guilty of identifying myself as what I do: "I'm a graduate student." "I'm a tax accountant." instead of who I am. I'm working on that.

I tell myself that once I finish the CPA exam that I will feel successful. I won't, though. I may feel like quite a success if I can get into an Ivy League law school. (Are you listening Columbia, Cornell, Harvard, Yale and Penn admissions boards?) Still, some people would look at my life and think that all of my schooling was a waste and they prefer their success to mine. That's fine. You cannot please everyone. There is always someone doing more than you. There is always someone better than you. I guess part of being a success is being OK with that fact.

I wrote all of this to say that I do not know what a success is to me. I'm going to work on figuring that out. I do know that at the end of my journey that we call life I would like to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." And maybe that is all that I need to know.