Not ready

I do not think the words "not ready" can really sum up how I feel about being a parent. As you all read, Jackson and I had Grace ALL BY OURSELVES Saturday and Sunday from 8-5. Whew. It is not that she misbehaves. She does not. She's really very good. A little moody? Sure. But she is going to grow into a woman so she might as well perfect that art. She endears herself to everyone she meets and is a good littler helper. She even listens to me. She does not listen to Jackson, but that's ok. She loves MacKenzie which earns her a ton of points in my book. We love that little girl and had a ton of fun with her. She also told me that her life got better when I came into it. Collective aww. She's very sweet. It's not her. No. It is more the worry, concern and pressure that I do not feel ready for at all. I drive much more carefully when she is in the car because I would never forgive myself is something happened to her. When I cross the street I have to find her, hold her hand (she probably doesn't need that step, but I do) and make sure that there is enough time to walk across and not have to run for it. I had to make sure she always had on sunscreen as I'd feel guilty if she got burned. I had to try not to curse or get mad in traffic as to not be a bad influence. I had to stand guard outside of a men's bathroom for her while she went because the women's was locked and the whole time I worried that I was teaching her to break rules. Ugh. The list could go on for a long time. Anyway, I have decided that right now it is simply too much pressure to try to raise another decent person who will contribute to society. For now, I am quite pleased to have a few days of Aunt Jenna before turning her back over to Kathi. It is kind of like being a grandma when I'm young. Very cool. :)

Now if you'll excuse me, there is a thunder storm taking place in Denver (very rare) which means my bed is calling my name. Having a kid for 2 days wore this non-mother out. :)