Grams' birthday

August 4th would have been my dear, sweet Grams' 79th birthday. I miss her every single day. She was such a special lady and I don't think the hurt of her passing will ever completely heal or come to mind without tears filling my eyes (as they are now...ugh). Anyway, there are just certain days that you want someone to know that you're thinking of them and a phone call, text, or Facebook message won't properly convey your feelings. Grams' birthday is one of those occasions where I just wanted my mom to know I was really thinking of her on this particular day and sharing in her grief. I decided to send her flowers so that when she looked at them she'd be able to think of Grams' celebrating in Heaven and smile.

The pretty arrangement

I thought of my Grams all day. I re-read some of her old emails to me that I, thankfully, had the foresight to save. I read a few notes my Grandpa sent, too, and let myself have a good cry that they were both gone now. I read a few of her handwritten cards to me, too. I've always saved them. (I must have gotten that from her because when we cleaned out her house for the last time I found every card I'd ever sent her in a drawer. She also kept some horrible looking crafts I'd made her through the years. I felt more loved in that moment than she could have ever planned.) I'm not big on dates of death because of the sadness of the occasion but you better believe that every August 4th for the rest of my life I'll celebrate the wonderful woman that was my Grams.

She's in my dreams sometimes. The last time she was balancing her checkbook (I know it! Of all things to be doing!) and was annoyed with it. She looked up and told me that she was "doing just fine" and gave me a hug before I woke up drowning in my tears. I have believe that my dream was the Lord letting me know that she is OK and hanging out with Him. I'm very thankful for that.